\\ THE EMAIL FROM THE TRIP //
California II: Los Angeles and Environs
Jan 10 - Jan 19
Thrills! Chills! Hollywood Hills! And even a little Hungus for the kids.
Outline
THUR.
Getting the Green Bay hookup, Al gets a ride to the airport from Matt Peters, arriving the required two hours before his flight time. Full of visions of palm trees and celebrities, Al easily glides through security and makes his way to the gate...to join the other 3 people there. "Small flight," Al wonders. It isn't until 10min before boarding that the other 200 people show up at the gate. "Hmmm," Al wonders, feeling the part of the chump.
During the soda cart phase, the cart stops right by Al's row and the flight attendant proceeds to give out drinks. A man from further up taps the flight attendant on the shoulder, asking if he could get his drink. Apologizing profusely for missing him, she gives him a soda....and then proceeds to pass Al by and go 6 rows further down the aisle! As with all other aspects of his life, Al is unable to get the attention of the woman, so he gets up, taps her on the shoulder, and is rewarded with a non-caffeinated, carbonated citrus drink, as well as a profuse apology. Amen to that, brother!
After landing at LAX, Al is greeted by one bearded Paul Marschall, this week's DV (Director of Vacation, or Cinevacationer if you prefer that term). Proceeding immediately to the bar, each regale the other with tales of wild romance and heart-break. Returning to the Marschall abode, Al makes his new home on the yellow and white stripped couch.
Total Brushes with Celebrity: 0
Beers Drunk Today: 2
Al hops in the car, drives down Los Feliz ave. (pronounced las fellaz by los nativos) and head south on I-5 to go see his Aunt Barb, Uncle Mike, cousin Cheryl, and dream/alternative-medicine expert (and old friend from college also in town) Alecia Bedessem. The sun is out, the temp is 70 degrees (F), and a nice breeze is blowing off the ocean. Al takes the coastal highway for some of the journey, stopping for a bit at a beach that had a bunch of weird rocks. Very smooth and round, the rocks are blue, purple, red, brown, gray, and a host of other colors. Very weird.
After a lovely meal of fast-food stir-fried favorites (and root beer), Al arrives at the Lauta household just in time for fresh oranges. Some family catching-up ensues, and then Al takes a nice nap on the green grass in the warm California afternoon.
A fantastic home-cooked meal leads into the perennial Bonney pastime: Games. Al and Uncle Mike dominate at Cranium, but tie the girls at Trivial Pursuit. The game of Chronology is also played (highly recommended!) before bedtime.
Total Brushes with Celebrity: 0
Wine Drunk Today: 1 glass
SAT.
At 11am Al embarks on a journey to collect Ali from Escondido. When Al gets to her Aunt and Uncle's house, he is greeted at the door by Aunt Jane. "Hi Al, I'm Jane. This is my husband Dick." Suppressing the urge to ask about Spot, Al takes a seat in the living room. "Al will be ready soon," Al is informed by Uncle Dick. "But I'm already here," Al thinks to himself, before the rest of Al's brain catches up with Al's ears.
At Dick and Jane's house there are two cats, one of which is blind and insane. The blind cat just starts randomly spinning around in circles, and will keep doing so until you either call its name or pet it. So, after petting the cat, Al(i) and Al head off for a tour through Ali's childhood and adolescence. We pick up lunch at the Panda Express (2 meal combo for me, a woefully inadequate side of steamed rice for Ali). Al's attempts to get Ali more than a mere side of rice are met with scorn and ridicule. On the way to Torrey Pines beach (where lunch was consumed), Al and Ali pass through the neighborhood where the Heaven's Gate cult passed on to the Hale-Bopp comet. A first California brush with celebrity <1/2 BING>!
After a quick walk on the beach (where Ali taunts Al with the knowledge that there is a nude beach just around the cliffs) the two go on a sight-seeing tour of San Diego. Balboa park was gorgeous, and we got to see someone spinning glass into really cool vases. We also took a very exciting trip around the park on the kiddie train. The tunnel was the big highlight here (except for the 2 year old behind us who freaked out). After Balboa is Point Loma, and after Point Loma Ali points out the places where a new guy in town can find a little "companionship" if that's what he's in the mood for (fellas, ask how to get to the sports arena). For dinner, Boll Weevil is the place to go. 1/2 pound hamburgers and beer really hit the spot after a day of sightseeing. At night, views of SD are admired from some church on a hill, and Al brings Ali over to her cousins (after getting some tasty chocolate malts at Baskin-Robbins, of course).
Returning to San Diego, Al enjoys a host of cooking shows with his aunt and cousin (the Naked Chef, the Iron Chef, others) before bed.
Total Brushes with Celebrity: 0.5
Beers Drunk Today: 1 really really really big glass of beer at the Boll Weevil
Later Al found a TV that was showing the current scene being shot. Joining two ladies from Disney, he participated in the critiquing of the children who were on the show. "She's really good, but I don't like that boy. No talent. And that other girl keeps frowning. Not good..."
After a while (30min) the euphoric feeling of being part of the Hollywood magic began to wear off, so Al returned to Casa Marschall for some Thai food, DVD movies, and beer. Ahhh...wonderful beer.
Total Brushes with Celebrity: 0.5
Beers Drunk Today: 2
MON.
The list of LA things to do compiled by Paul: Leno/Sitcom taping Vegas Drinks at union station Chinese mann theater Hollywood/Highland Mall (Oscar location) LA architecture tour Museums Beach Mechanical bull riding Viper room Guitar Center Universal City Walk
Paul and Al drive to a neighborhood diner for breakfast, where Paul has claimed many a famous person also eats. And, after only about 10 minutes, who should walk through the door but one Anthony Kiedis, lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. A second brush with fame!
Our heroes checkout a new mall on the strip, and stop in a diner for some milkshakes. Trying out the nickel jukebox at the table, they are rewarded with silence. Asking if the machine works, the waiter says yes, deposits a nickel, and is rewarded with silence. Hitting the change return lever, Al and Paul (and the waiter) are rewarded with $0.30 in nickels! So far they are up $0.25 gambling!
Next is Venice beach. At a cafe on the beach Al orders a BLT, minus the T, add a C (cheese), and pays the extra dollar, and also get the T (but not the A) when the sandwich arrives. It is next decided that Frisbee golf is in order, with 1 beer on the line as a wager, so Al and Paul find a shop selling Frisbees. Al grabs a really cool red one with shark on it. Paul also wants to get a red one with Muscle Beach on it, but is sad that Al already has a red one. After a brief discussion it is decided that Paul can feel original and still get the red one, which he dubs "The Red Muscle." The Red Muscle will have to contend, however, with "The Hemorrhage"!
The battle is heated, as it always is in Frisbee golf, and Al pulls out to an early lead. After an amazing long distance shot to hit a garbage can (just nicking the top of it) Paul ties it up. After just completing a hole that places the boys on a rocky outcropping on the ocean with the pounding surf behind them, Al's phone rings with the news from Lin-Wei that Al and Paul are getting tickets to The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Friday! "Friday is usually the good day!" says Paul.
--flashback--
Al: My friend Paul and I are thinking about trying to get on Leno this week.
--flash forward--
Al and Paul both shout "Awesome!" as the surf rolls in and threatens to splash them a little bit. They are told that there are tickets in their name at Guest Relations, and they should tell Edd Hall or Ellen Brown (the director) that Francesca says hello. The game continues, with spirits even higher than previously thought possible. A playground hole, and a beach hole give The Hemorrhage an insurmountable lead, and eventually Al is victorious. Enjoying his free beer to the strains of the Stone Temple Pilots "Purple" album, Al's spirits are higher than even the previous high spirits thought possible. On the walk back to the car Al and Paul are witnesses to a crazy-insane dog fight, which quickly turns into a crazy-insane shouting match between the owners of the dogs:
Dogs: BARAFFFUFFFUFFUFUFUUF!!!!!!SQUEEEEEELLLLL!
And as Paul and Al walk away the gentle strains of human society in action fade into the background. Al and Paul try to hurry back to Che Marschall to meet a French director friend of his for dinner. Taking Mullholland Drive, the fog rolls in, and Al is unable to enjoy the view from the hills, but Al does enjoy seeing the left headlight of Paul's car shooting up and over the car in front of us in the fog ("It's loose," Paul says.) There is no message from Jean the Frenchman when they arrive home, so Al and Paul get a pizza and watch "The Big Lebowski". Al takes notes, for Phase V is approaching! A quick check of the Leno website shows that the Friday guests have not yet been announced.
Total Brushes with Celebrity: 1.5
TUES.
John Avildsen reveals that the original plan for Rocky was to meet the mayor of Philadelphia in the first movie, and tell him he would run for mayor if he won the fight. In the second Rocky movie Rocky does become mayor, and in the third movie Rocky gets impeached when he takes the blame for Pauley stealing money from the city. Also, Tony (John Travolta's character) in Saturday Night Fever was named after John's son Tony because John and the SNF screenwriter were good friends back then.
After the interview (in which John Avildsen seemed to answer each question directly opposite to the theme of the documentary (which was about right-wing political icons in movies)) Al and Paul grab some burgers, go to Guitar center, and then go to see "The Royal Tenanbaums" (great movie). They return home to refresh quick, and then head over to Tangier, a restaurant near Paul's house. Dressed casually, they immediately feel out of place amid the linen's and low candlelight in Tangier, but a surreptitious glance at the menu finds that Tangier is within the budget, so they stay. The waitress asks if they would like a bottle of spring water or sparkling water and Paul, with visions of the untold delights that sparkling water must hold, immediately blurts out "Sparkling!" Al, with dawning comprehension as to what sparkling water probably is, tries to protest, but the sparkling water arrives nonetheless. Taking one sip of the disgusting carbonated water, Al begins to question his friendship with Paul, but decides that he still needs a ride to the airport, so he'll take his sparkling water like a man.
After dinner, Al pulls out his list compiled during the screening of The Big Lebowski, and Al and Paul embark upon a Big Lebowski Landmark scavenger hunt! The first stop is Ralph's grocery, where photos of the exterior and the interior are taken. Al also applies for a Ralph's discount card. Next, Al and Paul go to the bowling alley where the movie was filmed. Here more shots are taken (in full Hungus) and Al enjoys a White Russian at the bar. Finally, Al and Paul try to find an In-N-Out burger near Radford in North Hollywood, but that attempt fails. Spirits are still high, however, since tomorrow is Vegas, and Friday is Leno!!
Total Brushes with Celebrity: 2.5
WED.
An instant message appears on Al's cell phone from Lin-Wei: "You are lucky. Friday's guests are Nicole Kidman, Ryan Phillipe, and musical guest Michelle Branch". And there was much rejoicing! Nicole Kidman!
After a quick fax, Al and Paul head out on I-15 to Las Vegas. 4 hours of desert fun later they arrive in Vegas, and go to the New York, New York casino looking for lodging. Al asks for a room. The desk clerk takes a look at us, pauses, and grabs a sheet of paper. He begins to write a number, and Al expects to see the numbers $2xx.xx appear, but instead sees $59.95. "That's the best I can do," the desk clerk sighs. Al, feeling a rush of elation second only to seeing his Hemorrhage-earned free beer in front of him, says offhandedly, "Alright. We'll take that". And we're in! But getting out is a different story. Unable to find the walkway back to the parking garage, they decide to take the back stairs to the ground floor and go from there. Soon getting lost in a maze of basement hallways, they eventually bust outside and into the pool area, where the only exits are the 40 doors all marked "Emergency Exit" and the door they just came from. A plot by the NYNY casino, or just mere stupidity. The answer is obvious, and disturbing...but eventually we find our way back to the car.
The next thing to do in Vegas, as you may have guessed, is to go shoot guns. A previous visit to Las Vegas unearthed the existence of an indoor shooting range, so Al and Paul drive down there to check it out. Entering the store, the following scene unfolds:
Large Man: Can I help you gentleman?
Al and Paul buy bullets, Paul buys an Osama target, and Al gets a cool target with a 70s man holding a 70s woman hostage. Giving the man their IDs to hold for the guns (no background check) they are briefly instructed on how to use the guns. Al asks if where the safety is on the gun, and is informed that "This is America!" and their guns have no safeties.
Entering the range, they setup their target, put on the ear protection and goggles, and the man shows Paul how to fire his big-ass gun, by firing it. The noise is deafening, even with the ear protection! Al jumps back in surprise. The man then fires Al's gun once, then leaves them in the range, shooting next to a man dressed as a priest, and another man shooting in a suit. Al and Paul take turns shooting at Osama, the 70s man, and eventually the 70s woman, taking pictures. Al trembles in fear each time he pulls the trigger on Paul's gun as it almost knocks him over each time he shoots it. Chico and The Man eventually leave, put off by the flash on the camera, and we later see them leave in their unmarked police car. Whoo-ahh. Time to head back to the strip.
Al and Paul head over to Excalibur to get the buffet, but first where Paul wins $2.50 at PaiGow, and Al wins $20. Taking time out of their VERY in-depth discussion about fishing, the dealer and another gambler inform Al and Paul that the buffet here sucks. Taking their winnings elsewhere, they blow them on the Aladdin seafood buffet. They proceed to gamble, lose, gamble, lose, gamble, win!, and gamble, lose. The Belagio water show is enjoyed, and then they retire to bed early, for tickets to the Price is Right are going to be given away tomorrow at 10am, at the Rio hotel.
Total Brushes with Celebrity: 2.5
THUR.
Fed up with quick gambling losses, they decided to play Bingo in the hopes of slow gambling losses. They walk up to the bingo hall, and Al asks to buy a sheet of bingo cards. "When you buy the red, you also get a free purple sheet. Now, if you want to validate these cards so that you win $1000 if you bingo on the hot ball, that is $1 extra. And, if you want Bonanza, that is $3, but you have to buy them by the 4th game or otherwise you can't get them," says the woman behind the counter. "Um..I wanna play Bingo," Al replies dumbly, and pays $14 for two sets of 6 cards. Paul does the same and they sit down. The first game is the crazy x, second is double bingo, third is the crazy kite, etc... Al and Paul stare at their cards in confusion, and, noticing this, two nice older ladies take pity upon the poor under-60-year-olds and help them.
The pace is much more frantic than Al recalls from childhood, and he and Paul struggle to keep up with the numbers. At one point, Paul is 2 numbers away from bingo, one of which is the hot ball! However, the game is won by someone else. In the next game, however, the first two numbers called were the numbers he needed. "I almost won $1000!" he grumbles. "Right..." Al mutters under his breath...
After more gambling later that afternoon, Paul comes back to even, and Al loses even more. Another game of bingo is called for, and this time it is serious. Al and Paul came to win. Ignoring the old woman who keeps hitting herself in the head, Al and Paul concentrate on the cards, but once again the Bingo gods overlook the under-60 set, and they come out empty-handed.
A brief (1 hour) search for a steakhouse leads the boys to Outback, where a marvelous steak is consumed by each, and they head home. Stopping briefly in the desert, they marvel at the Milky Way spread out before them, and even see a shooting star. 4 hours later they are home, and, checking the DVD player they find the Big Lebowski, now 2 days overdue.
Total Brushes with Celebrity: 2.5
FRI.
After music and lunch, Al and Paul head over to NBC studios, arriving at 3:30. Al gets in line at guest relations, hoping that there haven't been any foul-ups with the tickets....and is rewarded with two tickets for tonight's show! The roughly 50 people in the room are told to wait briefly before they are escorted to the studio, so Al and Paul take seats near an interior door with hopes of good seats. Their hopes are dashed upon the broad chin of Jay Leno, however, when the crowd is led outside (with Al and Paul at the rear of the line), down the block, around the corner, and past about 300 people waiting for general admission tickets. Our line, however, has swelled to probably 200 people! Unless that room was a TARDIS (http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node=tardis) I think someone was cheating. Fortunately our line goes in before the chump line. Each person is individually metal detected, and as 5pm approaches (the time of the taping), we are still well back in line, but we still feel better than the other 300 people in the chump line. Finally giving up, the security guards wave in groups of 20, and we make it in! The theater is tiny! It only holds about 300 people. We give our name to the lady with the sheet, and she tells us to talk to that guy over there. But before we get to that guy, and usher by a side section says to us, "2?" "Yep" Sit right here. Paul, noticing that people who went with "that guy" had seats marked off for them, urges me to talk to him. "Bonney? Oh yes, right this way." ...and as he removes the tape from the seats with the word "Bonney" on it we see that we are seated dead center, about 8 rows up!
Jay
At 5pm, the band plays, and Jay does the monologue. During the commercial break, jay practices the cue cards, and then just sort of sits there. When Nicole
After the show, the audience is asked to stay so that they can participate in a taping of "Just Shoot Me" with guest star Ray Liota
After all the taping is done Al and Paul get some Mexican food, then head up to Griffith Park to check out the view of LA. They find a quarter in the (surprisingly powerful) tourist telescope viewer thing used to check out the city (you can see the craters on the moon with this thing!) and get a free viewing. Afterwards they head over to the mechanical bull bar, ready to take on the beast. However, after seeing the amount of people in the bar, and how foolish the guys look who get thrown off that thing, it is decided they will enjoy the bull-riding vicariously. And enjoy it they do, especially when the ladies have a turn...
Getting to Castle Marschall just in time for the Leno re-airing, they are disappointed by the lack of Al and Paulness on TV, but not too much. It was also a bit painful having to watch all those same jokes again...
Total Brushes with Celebrity: 6.5
SAT.
Ahh, California. Is there a more wondrous land?
THE END
Lin-Wei: Hey, someone I work with is always bragging that she can get people on the show. Let me get back to you on that.
Al: Awesome!
Angry Man: You stupid B@!@#! Who brings a pit bull to the beach! You're going to pay for damage done to my dog!
Stupid B@!#@: Ok! Fine! Now Let go of my dog! You're choking him!
Angry Man: "No!"
Beers Drunk Today: 2
Gambling Wins Al : $0.125, 1 beer
Gambling Wins Paul: $0.125, -1 beer
List Items Checked off Today: Hollywood/Highland Mall, Beach
Phase V: The Hollywood Experience, Part I (or Those Are Good Burgers, Paul)
A quick check of the Leno website shows that the Friday guests have still not been announced. Jean calls, and we are to meet him at his hotel where he is filming an interview with John G. Avildsen, the director of Rocky and the Karate Kid Movies. http://us.imdb.com/Name?Avildsen,+John+G.
Beers Drunk Today: 1
Gambling Wins Al : $0.125, 1 beer
Gambling Wins Paul: $0.125, -1 beer
List Items Checked off Today: Guitar Center
Total Lebowski Landmarks Hit: 2 (3 if you count Radford)
Phase VI: "This is America!" (or The Price is Riot) (or This is America!)
--flashback to Monday--
Paul: We'd like tickets to The Price is Right for this week.
CBS Ticket Lady: Oh, this week the show is taping in Las Vegas for the 30th Anniversary, on Thursday.
Al: Hey, perfect, we're going to Vegas on Wed/Thur anyway!
--flash forward--
Al: Do you rent guns here?
Large Man: This is America! Of course we rent guns. What do you want?
Al: Hmmm...how about a medium sized automatic?
Large Man, grabbing a .44 caliber, 2 foot long six shooter: Here's the gun you want!
Al: Ah...that is neither mid-sized nor automatic. I don't want that gun.
Paul (with glazed look): I want that gun!
Large Man grabs a Beretta for Al: Here you go. You can also rent machine guns if you want.
Al: Machine guns?
Large Man: This is America! Of course you can rent machine guns!
Al: You mean semi-automatics, right. Fully-automatics are illegal, I think.
Large Man: Pah! This is America! These are all fully-automatic. $30 to rent the machine gun.
Al: We'll pass on the machine guns this time.
Paul (with glazed look): ...
Kahlua and Creams Drunk Today: 10
Gambling Wins Al : -a lot, 1 beer
Gambling Wins Paul: -not so much, -1 beer
List Items Checked off Today: Vegas
Total Lebowski Landmarks Hit: 2 (3 if you count Radford)
Total Times Nicole Kidman was mentioned to lift gambling loss spirits: 150
Waking at 7:30am (9:30am Central), Al and Paul quickly checkout of NYNY and drive over to the Rio. Al gets tense as each turn seems to take them further and further from the Rio hotel, but Paul eventually comes through and they get there at 8:45. Proceeding to the Samba Theater, they see a moderate amount of people waiting in the lobby, so they wait as well. Not long after, however, a woman wearing a homemade Bob Barker sweatshirt with "Who let the dogs out!" on the back start grumbling about how all the tickets are gone. Questioned further, she reveals that people were lined up since 2am, and the tickets were given away around 6am. She then went and joined her 5 friends, all of whom were also wearing the same sweatshirt. Al and Paul, cursing their innocence at thinking they could get on the show when there were fanatical people making their own Price is Right sweatshirts also in attendance, walk to the car with their heads hung low. The go to the Plaza hotel and casino for a breakfast buffet (with delicious biscuits and gravy!), and then to the most exciting casino game of all: Bingo!
Kahlua and Creams Drunk Today: 8
Gambling Wins Al : -a lot more, 1 beer
Gambling Wins Paul: -not so much at all, -1 beer
List Items Checked off Today: --
Total Lebowski Landmarks Hit: 2 (3 if you count Radford)
Total Times Nicole Kidman was mentioned to lift gambling loss spirits: 250
Phase VII: The Hollywood Experience, Part II (or Those _Are_ Good Burgers, Paul)
Nicole Kidman is today! But first we go to Amoeba music to get some used CDs. All finds a CD with a girl holding a gun on the cover, and the words "Holiday in Vegas" on the back. A fitting summary of the previous two days. Al and Paul then head to the In-N-Out burger in North Hollywood, take some pictures, and have some good burgers.
Beers Drunk Today: 2
Gambling Wins Al : -a lot more, 1 beer
Gambling Wins Paul: -not so much at all, -1 beer
List Items Checked off Today: Leno, Mechanical bull riding (vicariously)
Total Lebowski Landmarks Hit: 3 (4 if you count Radford)
Phase VIII: Departure
A melancholy moment, as Al bids farewell to the yellow couch, and then Paul transports him to LAX. Taking a walk on the wild side, Al arrives a mere hour before his flight. Once again security is a breeze, and Al has no one next to him on the plane (as was the case on the flight in).